Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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