forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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