Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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