1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
