That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The uberlube is also flammable
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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