my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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