I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
