i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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