Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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