i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
