I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
