My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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