Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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