I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
