There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
