I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
