This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
