hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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