im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
