When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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