Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
birth control should be required to get into college
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
