i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
