So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
