it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
