2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
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