wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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