It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
