So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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