Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
