hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am spending my child support on dildos
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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