It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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