I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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