so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
