I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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