And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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