Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
