I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
