I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
