I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Sober January is a disaster.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
