I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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