UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
