Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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