I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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