We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
