the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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