I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
