I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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