i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
