lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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