just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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