apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
