Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
