Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
