Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
