My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
